Lessons from a pencil sharpener

I fired a student today. I don't like to do that very often, but sometimes circumstances make it impossible to do otherwise. Once in a while it's a schedule issue, but usually the reason involves working with the parent. I've never fired a student because of his or her playing ability or even motivation if the parent is willing to work together with her child and with me to make practicing work. But when I have a parent who shows no respect for me, or for the process of learning the violin (i.e. "Why do we have to practice this piece again? Why do we have to work on bow holds over and over? Can't Bobby just go ON TO THE NEXT PIECE?!"), then each lesson is a drudgery and a chore for me.

This mother just yelled. Just yelled. Literally--increased decibel levels. I've never had a parent yell at me before. My method of teaching is wrong, I won't listen to her ideas, and why can't her son just go on to the next piece? And she starts her yelling fits at the time the lesson is over, when it's time for another student. I won't take that, and I have plenty of other students to take his time slot. So she got the phone call.

"The phone call" is a difficult task for me. I'm a softie, I admit. I always want to give people, especially children, the benefit of the doubt, and one more chance. Should I have given her a warning--the next time you yell at me, I'll discontinue lessons for your son? But with encouragement from Karen, my colleague, I just did it. But I felt bad for her son, who will likely have to deal with his mother's relationships with other teachers in the future, and likely learn that in life you yell and yell until there is nobody left to yell at.

My next chore after I hung up with this mother was to sharpen my pencils. I have two very similar battery operated pencil sharpeners, Foray brand, that I bought at Office Depot for $4. Actually, I've had three. The first one quit working the first time I opened the shavings compartment to empty it. The second one I bought was the same; since I had liked the pencil sharpener before it stopped working, I thought it was just defective and I'd give another one a try. After all, it was only $4. It ate my pencils. The third was a slightly different model of the same brand, still $4. It does not sharpen pencils. If you stick a pencil in the hole, nothing happens. Both pencil sharpeners have been sitting on my desk for about six months. I brush the California desert dust off of them and keep trying them periodically. No avail. I tried both of them again today. They broke two pencils.

Today I decided to throw away both pencil sharpeners. I realized that with the best of intentions, there are some things that you can't fix, no matter how much you wish you could. The basis for the Suzuki method is, as the title of the Suzuki "bible" says, Nurtured by Love. It's an opportunity for a parent and a child to deepen their relationship by working together on a project, one that requires time and patience to gradually work toward excellence in artistic achievement. The role of the teacher is to guide the parent along in the process. If that's not the object of violin lessons, it's as hopeless as a pencil sharpener that doesn't sharpen pencils, or eats them to a stub (a dull stub, nonetheless). And if you don't get it, you don't get it.

Soon I will go back to Office Depot and invest a little more in a better pencil sharpener. Not a Foray brand.